The B-Side

By Rick A Mortis

Awww Haunt….fog, boysenberries, screams, fog, boysenberries, screams…it’s like crack I tell you!

This year I hit up Halloween Haunt twice. I will be giving a point system out of 10 for the mazes and shows. 

10 = Pee your pants and get fetal - ok, ok The Jonas Brothers do the same for some of us.

1 = This sucked so bad it was like watching Twilight!

Also to any talent out there and may be reading this. You all rock and any grade I give is only due to talent that I experienced that night. As a monster I know some nights are good and some just plain suck.

So no more stalling away we go boils and ghouls.

PYROMANIAX (Timber Mountain Log Ride) = 4

Same theme from last year about moonshiners and firemen that mutated and there’s a fire and stuff. Talent wasn’t around much when I went through. Kudos to the guy on the harness at the end, you rocked it. I wish there was more time for this to get decked out.

BLACK WIDOW’S CAVERN (The Calico Mine Train) = 4

Same as last years about giant spiders in a mine. And like a broken record I wish they had more time to dress this. Also the second time I went this year the shows finale of the giant spider was broken, which is a shame for anyone.

Alien Annihilation = 3

The maze I hated last year. I will say the maze looked better artistically and the talent was a improvement. Of course a friend in our group got laser tag guns the first time we went, the second time did not. It is still very lame that most monsters will not interact with anyone that is not carrying a laser tag gun. I would like to see a overhaul on this maze still.

The Slaughterhouse = 7

This maze was a huge let down last season, the Slaughterhouse actually stepped it up this year. Uncle Willy’s BBQ, was more twisted this year. The only problem I did have is my second time all the girls where missing in the cages, which was a bit of a let down. Since it ruined the scene of a man selling the girl in the cage for meat. The VIP maze was awesome!

LOCKDOWN: THE ASYLUM = 7

I really wish that they would’ve just called this Lockdown. I think it made a lot of people compared it to the far superior Asylum. Talent was on the ball here. Lots of energy in here. The nurses rocked it well. The only annoyance I had was the song NWO by Ministry was on a loop and it gave me flashbacks of my days in Industrial Evil as a zombie.

CLUB BLOOD = 5

This maze rocked it rather hard last year for it’s debut. Sadly not much was added other then new nifty lighting in the club section of the maze. The big finish gag is now a dummy rather than the actor used last year. Which was a huge letdown. The talent was all over the place we had some really good talent and a few that really sucked. Do not stare and hiss at people for your scare or worse act like your British.

TERROR OF LONDON = 6

One of the new mazes this year  that brought back the Jack The Ripper maze including a finale in Frankenstein’s lab, sadly this made many people scratch their heads going huh? The maze looked amazing. The design team brought some great looking blood soaked gothic eye-candy here. From the nasty and realistic corpses of Jack’s victims, the fog mist, graveyard effects and cobble stoned streets. Sound and lighting was on point here. Sadly the talent is really what holds this maze back. A few of the talent really brought it up, but a good majority had the goth vampire curse of not knowing how to scare. Also there were huge sections with no talent to be found. I hope they step it up next year.

THE DOLL FACTORY = 5

In its third year the maze I will have to say really felt lacking to me.  The departure of the infamous contorting doll girl at the entrance of the dollhouse was noticeable this year. Both times I went this year there were no doll girls to be found in or around the dollhouse. The talent level in the front section of the maze really worked it and so did freezer girl.  The creepy ending of a ballerina in bondage inside a glass case was a bummer due to a shifting of the end scene. It was freezer, ballerina and your out….and uhhh what?

DIA DE LOS MUERTOS - 7

This maze maze reminds me of Malice in Wunderland in detail. This is a mixed bag of a maze with a chupacabra - still looks like a big rat to me, skeletal mariachi bands, a jungle and human sacrifice. The graveyard section is amazing and the candles on the graves is pure magic to see. The maze looks incredible, but once again the maze talent seems unsure what to do. I really hope the rumor of auditions for mazes is true. A huge improvement over Lost Vegas though.

Uncle Bobo’s Big Top of the Bizarre = 8

This one grabbed Killer Klown Kollege by the throat and buried it in the dirt. The maze featured posters in the queue and maze of things to come such flea circus, a freak show and the infamous “thingy”.  Also the return of favorites like the toy room and the elephant fart gag on a much bigger scale. Once again this maze is mixed bag as well. I wish the flow through was a tad tighter. The bathroom to sewer is great….go Team Pennywise! The sound design with loops lifted from the Mr. Bungle song Travolta will haunt me for awhile. The talent was energetic and brought it. Great job clowns! Next year I think they should tighten up a few scenes and add a Uncle Bobo character.

Quarantine = 4

Last year this maze based on the film took over for The Grudge maze. The Grudge maze was awesome it’s first year but then went down in flames the next year. The talent sadly except for a few bright spots in the front were all a bit off and The Grudge curse continued. Hats off to the fireman in the front. A major factor I felt was that the ceiling has been removed which removed the sense of being inside an actual building and the unnerving feeling of claustrophobia. Another sad point was the falling fireman effect and reporter in the front. The fireman did not fall it just laid on the ground and the reporter was missing from this room.

Corn Stalkers = 4

This maze flipped the maze around in another direction. This maze had a underlining OZ theme last year. This year that was removed, but sadly effects in the audio could still be heard from last year. I found that kind of sloppy. The flipping of the maze seemed to reduce the twisting rows of corn which made this more intense last year. Also the lack of talent was noticeable. Also Knott’s should just use fake corn for this maze, the petting zoo smell not a good thing.

The Labyrinth = 5

The Labyrinth returns and still while a beautiful thing to walk through is still low on scares. The reason to really go into this maze is to visit the legend that is the Fairy Queen. The fairies and fawns in front had a great energy as well. I think if the monster dinning room scene was more of  cannibalistic feast it would unnerve people. The mirror room should be better used by the talent as well.

THE HANGING = 5

Now a long running show with tons of pop culture thrown in…I remember when it was about 15 minutes. The good: they hanged Mr Poofy Hair from Twilight, Wolverine kicked some ass, Mickey Mouse and the fail that was the dragon, the big dance finale at the end was rocking. The bad lame overuse of gay jokes…come on really? Also what the hell with the OctoMom and Kate and John baby rumble?

INFERNO = 9

Fire and half naked dancers? Do you need any other reason why to go? Ok the show is awesome and really brings a nice edge to the Haunt. Great job to the fine cast of this show. Great energy and nice soundtrack, it made me want to get my rave on stat.

FESTIVAL OF FREAKS SIDESHOW = 8

We had a good time watching the nail bed, needle in the arm, glass walking antics of Zamora the Torture King and Kitty Karloff. Great show and lot’s of fun. Not for the squeamish. The needle in the arm is amazing.

BLOODLUST = 3

It was so bad not even the dancers with the jiggle factor couldn’t save it for the guys and some ladies in the audience. The only reason it got some points was for the improv comedy. The singers need to tighten up those vocals. The set looked awesome. It was like watching a really bad show on a cruise ship or in a Vegas lobby, no make that a Vegas airport or maybe Reno.